If you would have told me 5 years ago how my life would turn out today, I would have laughed incredulously. I didn’t know how to dress back then, I barely liked the person looking back at me in the mirror. I called my mom for everything because it always felt like I was outside of my element, that I didn’t really know where I belonged but that I was good as long as I could call her.
Well times have changed, which I’ve usually thought of as a strange statement for most of my life. Time always changes, they haven’t just changed now; we have changed, society has changed, things have changed. So yes time has changed but thankfully I’m getting through it. I can’t call my mom anymore when things aren’t going well, and although she never solved my problems, she listened and made me laugh. She always thought I was too serious, too sensitive and too formal. All these things are true. The little things hurt me more than I can help sometimes; and this morning/yesterday, I wrote a post about that. I was angry and needed to vent my frustrations about life.
But this isn’t the forum for that, and it detracts from my writing like one loyal friend reminded me. I can express myself so much better when I approach my issues with a sense of detachment. There are truths in life that are easier said than done, easier understood than felt.
Sometimes you lose friends no matter how hard you tried to keep them; there might just be things you just can’t talk about anymore, you aren’t just on two different pages in the same book, you are two different books in two different libraries. Sometimes people will hurt your feelings, whether they know it or not. You cannot expect everyone to understand your sensitivities, but you would hope that some people understand sensitivity. I’ve worked hard in my life to overcome things and one of those things is my weight issues. I’m always struggling but I’ve come a long way and not everyone knows me or that, and I’m not finished yet (nor do I think I ever will be) but I’m working on it. Some people don’t want to see you happy, or see that you have changed into someone who can see sky behind those rain clouds. And some people just don’t care either way.
There are people in the world who derive happiness from the misery of others. But here’s the thing, it is and must be your main job to make yourself happy. It’s a job that you will work at for the rest of your life. If you can only find happiness by standing on the backs of others, then you will be hurting a lot of backs in your lifetime. That’s neither fair nor real. True happiness comes from within, and as someone who has faked it, hoped for it, and experienced it, I know that is an honest statement.
Whether it’s love that brings out the best in you, personal and/or professional success, family, the place you live, or the friends that keep you sane, you are a lucky person that should shine with happiness. Those other people, well, maybe one day they’ll find that too, and maybe they’ll fall through the cracks in the backs of others. We can all find reasons to be miserable, but we should all know the reasons to be happy. I needed that reminding, so thank you all.
Until next time,