When Emotions Run Deep

If you would have told me 5 years ago how my life would turn out today, I would have laughed incredulously. I didn’t know how to dress back then, I barely liked the person looking back at me in the mirror. I called my mom for everything because it always felt like I was outside of my element, that I didn’t really know where I belonged but that I was good as long as I could call her.

Well times have changed, which I’ve usually thought of as a strange statement for most of my life. Time always changes, they haven’t just changed now; we have changed, society has changed, things have changed. So yes time has changed but thankfully I’m getting through it. I can’t call my mom anymore when things aren’t going well, and although she never solved my problems, she listened and made me laugh. She always thought I was too serious, too sensitive and too formal. All these things are true. The little things hurt me more than I can help sometimes; and this morning/yesterday, I wrote a post about that. I was angry and needed to vent my frustrations about life.

But this isn’t the forum for that, and it detracts from my writing like one loyal friend reminded me. I can express myself so much better when I approach my issues with a sense of detachment. There are truths in life that are easier said than done, easier understood than felt.

Sometimes you lose friends no matter how hard you tried to keep them; there might just be things you just can’t talk about anymore, you aren’t just on two different pages in the same book, you are two different books in two different libraries. Sometimes people will hurt your feelings, whether they know it or not. You cannot expect everyone to understand your sensitivities, but you would hope that some people understand sensitivity. I’ve worked hard in my life to overcome things and one of those things is my weight issues. I’m always struggling but I’ve come a long way and not everyone knows me or that, and I’m not finished yet (nor do I think I ever will be) but I’m working on it. Some people don’t want to see you happy, or see that you have changed into someone who can see sky behind those rain clouds. And some people just don’t care either way.

There are people in the world who derive happiness from the misery of others. But here’s the thing, it is and must be your main job to make yourself happy. It’s a job that you will work at for the rest of your life. If you can only find happiness by standing on the backs of others, then you will be hurting a lot of backs in your lifetime. That’s neither fair nor real. True happiness comes from within, and as someone who has faked it, hoped for it, and experienced it, I know that is an honest statement.

Whether it’s love that brings out the best in you, personal and/or professional success, family, the place you live, or the friends that keep you sane, you are a lucky person that should shine with happiness. Those other people, well, maybe one day they’ll find that too, and maybe they’ll fall through the cracks in the backs of others. We can all find reasons to be miserable, but we should all know the reasons to be happy. I needed that reminding, so thank you all.

Until next time,



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7 Responses to When Emotions Run Deep

  1. Jenn says:

    What a lovely post. I actually starting reading a book today called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. When I first saw it I immediately thought of you because you always bring out the inner goof ball and ultimate fun girl in me. I am trying to find my happy place for sure because I feel it is the best way to get through these trying times and my happiness is something I can control a lot easier than stress at work or the number on the scale. Good luck friend and I am very proud of you for all that you have achieved and what you will achieve in the future 🙂

  2. Laura says:

    Your very first statement, about if you knew where you’d be now 5 years ago you would have laughed… I can imagine us getting that vision and rolling on the floor laughing, thinking it was ridiculous! But, like you said, things change. I’m sure if we knew now where we’d be in the next 5 years, we would have the same reaction.

    You’re a wonderful person. Please don’t let anyone bring you down. You work so hard and have/will continue to accomplish so much! Focus on the positive things in life (there are many). You deserve only happiness. And you shine with true happiness!

  3. Megz says:

    Awh, what a lovely and truthful post! (First time commenter here.) We’re very similar… we think alike, you know. But this post is really touching!

  4. Diana says:

    This post is fantastic, and it’s definitely more positive in tone than the original. It’s healthy to vent our frustrations on occasion, but we always have to come back to a more positive and optimistic point of view after that, otherwise we become crabby and angry and miserable. I think that your perspective here makes for the perfect balance.

  5. Megz says:

    Please, PLEASE blog sometime soon!

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