I spend too much time contemplating time; it’s something everyone is guilty of doing for different reasons and experiences. Death makes you aware of the inconsistency and unpredictability of time. Love makes you aware of how short time can feel. Things like hatred and obsessions are the time consumers, often leaving their willing victims older and less knowledgeable than before. Thus goes the world- the people who are constantly concerned with time, and the people who don’t bother with it.
I’m the former; I’ve dedicated yet another post to time and its unbelievable ability to transform you. For a lot of reasons I’m grateful for time, yet I have my own reasons for dreading and despising it. In time, I’ve lost an exorbitant amount of weight, but also my mother and in a way, my family. I’ve moved to THE city, but I miss home- a place that doesn’t necessarily exist anymore. I have met and cherish the person I hope to one day spend the rest of my life with, but my friends come and go at an alarming rate. I’m unabashedly aware of the emotions time can influence, amplify, create and inspire as it did with this is a stream of consciousness style of post.
But I’ve always been the person that wanted to change time. I’m not sure if it’s a compulsion to control but rather a compulsion to better my life and the lives of others. Unfortunately, I’ve grown up and realized that it’s just not possible to play with invariable elements. They’re invariable for a reason and time needs to be consistent, it needs to keep moving otherwise we would all get caught up and we would never fully change. Time forces us to change, catapults us into the immediate future every second of every hour of every day of every, etc. etc,. That’s as true as it is inevitable as it unchangeable.
The thing is, I’m not dwelling on the past as much anymore. I’ve got an amazing future to look forward to and many great, fantastic, people to share it with. Sure, the past is never forgotten but if it’s one thing we learn from time is that you need to keep going with it and never against it.