Fat-Bottomed Beliefs

You know when you have one of those long days of tedious work and all you want to do is just be yourself and have fun? One night last week I came in dejected and tired beyond belief from work. But I had my iPod on, earbuds in, and I began dancing in my room, singing into my imaginary microphone, dancing like a maniac and laughing at myself. It was a moment that allowed me to forget about the rest of the world and afterward, it reminded me why we need these moments.

I have a lot of weird and funny beliefs in life- one being is that is is OK to dance around like a crazy-faced banana when all you really want to do is crawl in bed and sleep the world away. I also believe every day should be thought of as an adventure, even a small miniscule event can be imagined as the most exciting part of the day and you can always hum the Indiana Jones theme song when it gets really boring. But lastly, I believe it’s good to have a lot of those beliefs which I’ll share with you.

List of Intensely Awesome Possibly Bizarre Beliefs:

1. I believe it is ok to think of Morgan Freeman as GOD (hello, he played God twice). Sometimes when I pray-  I say dear Morgan Freeman (aka God), how’s it going? Are you going to be upset if I eat some swedish fish even though I gave them up for Lent? And also I thank Morgan Freeman for my Thanksgiving meal. Is this weird?

2. I believe that it’s fun to think of people as food products. For instance, say you know an insipidly vapid person who looks great but provides no substance? Well, they are like a meal at an overpriced restaurant, pretty but leaves you with a gap in your wallet and still  hungry for something better. In the scheme of life, you are the side dish to your friends and family while you will always be the main course in your own life. If you are fortunate you will meet someone whose flavors match yours and BAM! A marriage and liaison of flavors that becomes the very best dish….

3. I believe that Post Offices (all of them IN THE WORLD) are actually fiery pits of hell where the devil resides. And if Morgan Freeman is God, (who controls all bookstores) who would play the Devil? Billy Bob Thornton?

4. I believe that you have to accept yourself the way you are before you expect anyone else to. You have to be able to say- ok, I’m not a model: my legs don’t go that far up, my hair may take over a small country within a day based on humidity, and yes I will always have this fat-bottom. Now I’m all for being comfortable with who you are, and changing what you want to, but we cannot be something we’re not. I accept it. And anyone who loves us should too. Just saying.

5. I believe that if my stomach could talk it would sound like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors– yes, my stomach would sound like a flamboyant- black male- voiced- oversized venus fly trap that just wants to eat people. Sometimes I think it says loudly- Allie, why haven’t you fed me? Which makes me giggle at random times, and you know, I can’t tell people that I am laughing because I imagine my stomach as a crazy plant bent on murder. I mean thats definitely not normal. But I believe it.

I believe tomorrow will always better than yesterday and today still has the potential to be pretty great. Heartache and suffering pass just as surely as the sun will set and happiness and joy linger just as the day is long. The possibilities are limitless…. believe in that if nothing else.


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7 Responses to Fat-Bottomed Beliefs

  1. Nicole says:

    nicely done.. i totally think Morgan Freeman is God!! well maybe he’s God’s voiceover.. and the Post Office is not HELL!! silly girl… and you want me to send you stuff in the mail… guess i wont since you hate it soo much…

  2. alliedow says:

    ooooooohhhh no, I need a package!

  3. **Jen** says:

    Love you Alechia! This was great. And if you’re ever stressed at work, you can have a random dance party by yourself in your office. Sure, people will give you funny looks and may even think you’ve lost all your marbles… but it’s FUN!

    And I think Jack Black would make a good devil, cruel yet comical. Like everytime you walk into a post office he just points a finger and laughs.

  4. Darrah says:

    I think MF would like this post. So super great analogies in this posting and real heart felt message there at the end. I actually like post offices so I can’t say that I agree 100% with you but I understand your point.

  5. Lisa says:

    Dum duh duh duuuuuum dum duh duuum dum duh duh DUUUUUM Dum duh Dum DUm DUM <– Indiana Jone theme song 😀 Sing it, wherever you go

  6. Diana says:

    I could totally imagine the voice of God sounding like Morgan Freeman.

  7. Laura says:

    I have said it before and I will say it again….sometimes you just have to dance. There is no way around it! 🙂 It makes life so much easier to live.

    As for one small thing making your day. Friday I made the sexiest Chocolate French Buttercream on the planet. Yes, it was sexy.

    Love you, Allie!!! You always make me smile and usually make me laugh! 🙂

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