Remember I told you I am the worst judge of beauty? Still true when it comes to other people, just not myself. Like all people, I judge myself the hardest, hold myself to the highest standards and will not, cannot, allow anyone to cut me down. It’s not the best attitude to be so introspective by being ready and open to accept every fault, every weakness you possess… and as of late, it’s making me feel the sharp and relentless talons of the Stress Monster.
We’ve all been there- once the Stress Monster has got it’s claws in you, there is no letting up until complete resolution. Whether it’s a presentation in front of your peers, the anticipation of seeing your hard work come to fruition, believing in something or someone but not knowing if it’ll all work out, or for me, stepping on a scale, the Stress Monster works in mysterious and versatile ways.
But it’s not just me; weight is a BIG, STRESSFUL issue. Nearly 1/3 of the population in America is classified as obese. Girls start dieting at the age of 8, if not younger. And then there are women like me, who struggle because they don’t know their role in the world of beauty. I certainly don’t- I don’t want to look like someone else, I want to look like me, only reduced a little in some areas. Is that so bad? If it isn’t, why does it make me unbelievably stressed?
Because everyone cares about weight, and if you don’t try to look the best by societal standards, you get told you don’t love yourself enough and that no one will ever want you. I’ve heard it over and over- fat people don’t love themselves enough to be skinny, and why would someone love them for who they are- if they don’t even love who they are? I won’t discredit this notion, maybe it’s true for some people, but it’s not true for everyone. I love myself, in fact I love myself enough to not want to change anything of what makes me, well, me. Losing weight doesn’t change you unless you let it seep into every crevice of and in your mind. Only the strong survive.
So I’m weighting around with the Stress Monster, feeling that anxiety in the pit of my stomach. But I’ll make it out of this; one thing you accumulate as you get older is knowledge of yourself; who you are, and what you want. And for the lucky- who you have by your side. That’s next on my list- I’m shooting for Adam Rodriguez, but I’m open to suggestions :-).