Over the last few years, I’ve realized that despite this desire to be well-read and super genius, I will always be completely un-boring, and reluctantly adventurous. It was never by choice, I just have this natural ability to make normal things crazy. And it’s not always a good thing. That’s why I cherish the people that can tolerate my craziness and ridiculousity, (yes, it’s a word….. ok no it’s not). And as of late, some of those great people I cherish have been having a rough time, and I thought, hey, I have a blog, people like reading funny things, especially when life seems quite bad.
And that’s why I am writing a few of my favorite ridiculous stories…
1. My first day at fancy culinary school, and our first mission was to properly iron our jackets. Should be easy right? Well…. So here it goes, I was ironing away, merrily almost, when I sprayed too much starch on the jacket making it turn orange. Well, of course I panicked. I was told that using a warm towel would rub it out. A normal person would have used a white towel, but I used blue. What happened? Blue jacket. So now I am even more panicked. I took some oxyclean, and ran into the bathroom. I soaked the jacket and like magic the blue was gone. Crisis averted? I thought so. As I was walking out, I bumped into a girl with wet hair. When I looked down, my jacket was now covered in black. Yeah, that girl was dying her hair black. I hurried back to the sink, panicked yet again, when I knocked my oxyclean all over the floor. I bent to pick it up, leaving my jacket to clog the sink, which created a full scale flood. I gave up. I threw away the jacket, and was responsible for the bathroom being out of order for the entire hallway. I decided to try a new jacket. I mean- what were the odds of the same thing happening? Well, the ironing board fell off the wall, and the iron landed straight on my arm. Mission failed.
2. My first time making waffles at this upscale hotel, and they didn’t want me to use a recipe, they had a mix. I was miffed. But I went in back to get the mix and didn’t see a mix for waffles, but I did find one for biscuits and one for cake. And I thought those two can come together and make waffles. (WHY DID I THINK THIS?) The result- a volcano of utter chaos: weird cake-y yet crumbly mix everywhere. Same place, I was told to make a dessert on-the-fly (fast) for the incoming dinner crowd. I had only pineapples and rum. PINEAPPLE FLAMBE! I was making it so fast by memory that I wasn’t paying attention, but I thought oh well, I know this stuff. And it went so well, actually too well. Everyone in the dining room wanted more, and that’s when I realized they were all drunk. I looked over and realized I put three bottles of rum in it. Whoops.
3. My 11 year-old cousin wanted to ride the carousel at the mall last month, and of course someone had to go on with her. So while I was riding a giant panda (how many times can you say you’ve done this in your life?) I thought, well, how much worse could this day go? I shouldn’t have wondered because later I was watching my cousin in the Disney store when Hottie McHot Pants walks in, yes the cutest guy ever. We start chatting about his niece and nephew, when I hear crazy noises to my side, and I see a display of Winnie The Pooh tumble gracefully onto the floor. Ungracefully, my cousin is stuck in the Snow White gown, and making the craziest noises, her arms raised above her head. She is not ok. Well, I curse (which clearly you should never do at the Disney store) and try to get her out while not ripping the gown ($180). She is wailing on the floor, screaming WHY? WHY? When we get it off, I look back to see Hottie McHot Pants is gone, probably scared. It could have been love, but it’s over now, it could have been good but I lost it somehow….. I blame Snow White.
4. I had this thing with the living room window. The moment we moved in, I knew it was going to be my enemy. I broke it not once, not twice, not even three, but yes, four times. And not even in normal ways either. Once my hand just went through it, another time I accidentally threw deodorant through it (ok I understand this is weird) next, I was wrapping a big gift when the wrapping paper flew out of my hands through it, and lastly, I tripped and fell by it. It still broke. After the fourth break, I was no longer allowed near this window, just like I was not allowed to vacuum (I was trying to defy gravity, and it didn’t work), paint (who knew it could fall out the window and land on the house across the street?) and use the washing machine, which clearly given my record, this one just makes sense without telling you the stories.
So there are just some of my lengthy tales of ridiculousity. I hope you enjoyed them. I know I didn’t at the time, but I do now. And that is what life is all about. Coming to terms with even the most unexpected occurrences by looking back on them, and learning. Not all are funny or strange, some are quite sad, but we move on. We always keep moving, some of us ridiculously.