My Wallet and Other Crises

It’s that time of year again when city sidewalks, busy sidewalks are dressed in Taken from the NYT holiday style (expensively so), chestnuts are roasting on an open fire of DOOM, and annoying jingle bells are all over the frickin’ place, resulting in headaches and impossibly long sentences like this one. This is also the time when my wallet looks bare and I begin to think about moving to Guam. But then also, I realize that I will want to buy a hut in Guam and harvest mangoes, all of which costs money. In the end, I agree to stick it out without moving to Guam because I know that I can’t harvest mangoes.

So when I look at my empty wallet, every year I think- Oh I should get a second job, but then immediately after I go, no, too lazy. So then I get a lot of harebrained ideas like, I’ll make hats, one year I thought I could make trendy ballet flats, sell loaves of bread and jars of jam, or even help plan winter weddings. But again, I can’t really sew, and my idea of trendy is colorful buttons, and who really wants to buy loaves of bread and jars of jam from a crazy nobody, who will don an old English accent in the streets, screaming BREAD, BREAD for sale!! And also, I’ve never even been to a wedding and I don’t really like overly happy events or people….

Therefore, I’ve decided that in order to pay for everything this year, I am going involuntarily on a Special K cereal diet. Yup it’s true. First, there was a sale on Special K, next, I can no longer afford groceries for the next two weeks. Will I survive? Stay tuned for later this week…..


P.S. If I seem crazier next post, it’s the cereal going to my head.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My Wallet and Other Crises

  1. Nicole says:

    LOL.. I would soo buy bread from you!! good luck with special k!

  2. **JEN** says:

    mmm Special K! You get to do the Special K challenge. You should write to them and make them pay you. Just an idea.

    And what about your previous post? Can’t you get a seasonal job vampire hunting?

  3. Darrah says:

    I have tried getting a second job and can’t find one. I’m living off the remains of my cupboards which luckily is quite a bit. $ or no $ this is my favorite time of year and I love when the streets are all decked out and the stores put decorations in the windows. Then the snow comes and frosts everything. PRETTY!

  4. Alechia again you are too much

    • Leslie says:

      Dow, you frighten and disturb me with your talk of Special K. Will you settle for cornflakey-mediocrity when you could instead suck down the fatty yumminess of life? I THINK NOT!!! CARPE SNACKUM!!! SEIZE THE SNACK!!!

  5. Sarah says:

    I would SO buy bread an jam from you. of course only if you did the accent…but id want a cockney accent…known of that educated high class crap 🙂 I guess then Datz is out of the question? I was craving it something AWFUL yesterday….but its probably better this way…as I am now unemployed like the rest of the world and Datz is awesomely expensive…but those bellinis….and SANGRIA!!!!! urggg…so um instead of harvesting mangoes i say we both go in on moving to Seattle, where everything is green…and plant money trees…money is green…Seattle is green…it might just work?

  6. Sarah says:

    oh…by known of that educated high class crap…i meant “none” of that educated high class crap…lol see im not very well educated so i need that familiar feeling while i buy your bread and jam :p

  7. Diana says:

    Nothing but Special K? Not even some sliced up bananas?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s