Surviving Zombies 101

If you have read my posts, I HATE ZOMBIES.  Everything about them terrifies me, and if they can run and show signs of thinking, we are doomed. So what if all of a sudden you find yourself in a zombie attack? Don’t fret too much, I’ve prepared a list of tips…..

zombies2My tips to surviving ZOMBIE REVOLUTION:

1. My friend (a zombie expert) says you need to know the first step to survival is survival. For example, if your best friend got bitten, what would you do? The answer? You’ll have to kill them. Sorry. So when you see your best friend, look at them and then imagine they are a zombie. Be slightly aware of what you must do in order to save them from being a zombie…..

2. Notice unusual behavior. Does that person working two cubicles over look like they might be a zombie (do they look, smell and act weirder than normal?)? Do you hear strange unwarranted moaning? Have you heard people making references to wanting to “eat” someone’s flesh? Keep this in mind, one of the best steps to take in a zombie attack is being observant.

3. RUN! Get some practice running and building up endurance. Also invest in some good running shoes, you never know when zombies might strike. Perhaps you should even wear them to bed, especially if youzombies noticed some of the signs mentioned in point 2.

4. Practice zombie walking.  Also try to be less expressive of 1. emotions, and 2. rational thoughts. Zombies are irrational, they just want to eat people. Haven’t you ever felt that way? I mean not about the eating people part but irrational about something you want? Channel it

5. Invest in zombie like makeup and masks in case you need to blend in. Also, packaged liquids, foods, and plenty of chocolate. You’ll need it.

6. Take some psychology courses. You weren’t expecting this right? Well if zombies attack, and you are in a group, some people may freak out. They may need a shoulder to cry on and listen to their fears, and without someone there, they will either go crazy and kill everyone, or go nuts on the zombies and end up getting killed. So be prepared.

7. When out with friends on the town (if you are planning on sticking around that is), look at buildings and areas. Notice one that could be easier to defend should zombies attack? Mention it to friends by saying something like- “oh wow, that B&N bookstore  would be a great place to go if something extremely bad happened, like, I don’t know, zombies.” And then let it slide that if zombies became a reality, that is where you would go. Leave little reminders too, just in case they forget. That way when zombies do attack, your friends will remember this and will be there with you. Isn’t that lovely?

HalloweenHope these tips help you!!! And HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Allie

P.S. This post should not be taken entirely seriously- in case of an actual zombie attack, please follow zombie attack guidelines provided by expert sources (which may or may not exist). Thank you.

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15 Responses to Surviving Zombies 101

  1. Darrah says:

    Alechia,

    Super crazy but some very useful survival tips. In case of attack do not take off your shoes and always be willing to kill a friend or family member or travel with someone who will do it for you. You should also probably learn how to defend yourself and make explosives from everyday items. Always be prepared! It may be the Boyscouts’ modo but it is good advice.

    D

  2. Nicole says:

    what wise words of wisdom about zombies..i feel so much more aware of this zombie problem and how to survive it!! thanks!! 🙂

    • jakhi says:

      thz is strange but at least i will knw who to stay away from all of you weirdossssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  3. kayceanne says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for you wise words of wisdom on surviving a zombie attack! I am terrified of zombies and knowing how I can survive a zombie attack will help me stay rational if I am ever in the middle of a zombie attack. Now I have a better chance of surviving without going crazy and getting myself killed. Thank you!

  4. muhammad says:

    Hey Alechia, my girlfriend’s old house mate is a mathematician who actually made a mathematical model for surviving a zombie outbreak, his name is Robert Smith? Yes, he legally changed his name to have the question mark at the end:

    http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/08/zombies/

  5. **Jen** says:

    I love you Alechia, but if you ever turn into a zombie I will be forced to kill you. You’ll be one of those rare intelligent zombies intent on taking over the world. 😉

  6. emvandee says:

    We were just talking about zombies today at work. One guy told me that whenever he’s house-hunting, he evaluates the place to see if it’s zombie-proof and if it isn’t, he doesn’t take the place. He also told me that he keeps a rope tied to his balcony so he can escape if zombies attack when he’s upstairs. He’s our senior web programmer, and now possibly the coolest person ever.

  7. Gina says:

    I’m not so worried about the slow moving, dumb zombies from the original Night of the Living Dead, but the fast moving and potentially intelligent zombies really freak me out. The last time I tried to like video games I was playing one of those zombie games and I threw the controller after two minutes.

    On a more gruesome note, I can see why zombies might like humans…those of us that have a desk job might taste more like veal than we would like to admit.

  8. Serjio says:

    Ay here’s some other rules for Survival:
    1) Tight Clothes, Short Hair.
    2) Machete’s Never Need Reloading.
    3) Kill First Ask Questions Later.
    4) Always Keep a Protein bar near, you never know where you’ll be and when you would need the energy.
    and
    5) Be More Silent than a Mouse.

  9. Kailin says:

    2012 is going to be a zombie attack

    • Lee says:

      Yes! exactly right, my plan is, since i live in the UK i go to the Isle Of Mann, a small island surrounded by water, if you live in the USA then i’d suggest New York, that is if the virus isn’t airbourne.

      By the way, be observant, make weapons rather than locating them and dont hesitate to kill a human in an aggresive, uncooperative mode because they wont hesitate to kill you!

      Finally, break all bonds with close family, it maybe harsh but they are easier to kill.

      Good Hunting and surviving, hope your death is quick! (if your planing on dyeing)

  10. michelle says:

    i know i’m not a zombie but a lot of this stuff up discribed just sounds like you follow me around and wrighting down every thing you seen. (hope no one try’s to kill me ) lol

  11. D-town says:

    i have some tips
    ok number 1
    DON’T EVER LOCK YOUR SELF IN YOUR OWN HOUSE UNLESS You plan on leaving shortly.
    reason why is because you stay there to long and you will run out of food and other necsities like ammo.
    NUMBER 2
    when picking a weapon DONT USE A LOUD GUN for several obvious reasons they will atract more zombies
    your best bet would be a melee weapon unless there are tons of zombies then go with a gun A QUIET GUN
    number 3
    i dont care what movie you have seen or anything like that zombies CANT SWIM they just cant
    number 4
    zombies can hear really well if you make a whole lot of noise killing or barracading your self inside zombies will come and get you YOUVE BEEN WARNED
    and last but not least
    NUMBER 5
    onpicking melee weapons dont pick a chain saw yeah its cool and easy to kill zombies with but you will just attract even more zombies.
    now if you grab a bat you want a meatal bat both are both great but metal is better,swords are a must,oh and one last thing dont pick a melee thats too heavy for you to swing fast travel light

    if i get good remarks ill post more tips and tricks

  12. D-town says:

    oh another added note is dont travel alone have close friends but not to close if you have to kill them or they kill you make sure they dont kill you

  13. protein bars always come in handy whenever you need lots of protein after a heavy exercise `

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