One Bad Apple

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Have you ever gone to the grocery store- looked at the veggies and fruits, and asked yourself: how do I tell if this one is going to taste good? Is it ripe? How do I know if it’s rotten? Sometimes you have to feel it out, but of course, you have to know what you are looking for, and what you are feeling.

Sometimes when you meet new people, you may ask yourself the same questions. You ask- sure this person seems nice, but how can I tell if they actually are? Well you can’t feel them out, that would be weird. And most likely inappropriate. Plus you need to know what you are looking for, and what you are feeling. Fruits and veggies are easier, but with people, it gets tricky because there isn’t always an answer.

With fruit and veggies, even if you get a bad one, there’s not much loss. But with people, there can be. No one wants to look like a complete ass; you don’t want to be the person who is said to be super judgmental, snobby, picky, or too analytical. Believe me, I’ve been that person more times than not. And when you are that person, you are looked at as cocky, arrogant, and in possession of a holier-than-thou attitude. Perceptions kill a reputation much quicker than it takes to build one.

So what am I saying? Well, let me preface here- this post was at a request of a friend who wanted me to write about how I can tell a lot about a person by how they sit, they smile, they walk, they eat (etc.). It’s not a gift, it’s a learned trait, and to add here, I think just about anyone can do it should they really try. (One more thing, it isn’t always perfect either.)

Nonverbal communication is the easiest communication for some people to understand- I’m one of them. I am often at a loss during verbal communication because I have what I call selective hearing, only I can’t select what I hear sometimes. Laugh, it’s funny.

When you have a problem like that, you learn some handy-dandy tricks- you read body language, you notice subtle things about a person’s demeanor and countenance. It’s when you get really good at this that you can tell a vast amount of information about a person- you can tell them how they are in certain situations, maybe even private ones. You can tell them how much confidence they have or lack, how they feel about intimacy, if they are lying to you or if they are playing a mental game with you. I’m not that good; somethings I can get, somethings I can’t guess. The truth to it is, you really have to look for signs and work on those, otherwise you are making assumptions of judgment, and you know what that means. You are making an ass of yourself, so STOP NOW.

So my guide to picking a good person…. if you aren’t sure you can do one or two things, watch them through interactions, or walk away. When you meet a truly great person, you don’t have to question their motives. If it’s romantic, here is something easy- look at the way they position their body when they are around you- are their feet or upper abdomen pointed to you? Do they make easy eye contact and hold it? When you talk are they listening, or do they wait till you’re done to tell you a similar story? If it is the former, and you answered yes to the first two, then go for it.

In a friend atmosphere- you want to be able to tell sometimes how much you can trust a friend. One way to figure this out is to watch them when you don’t tell the anything- if they end up talking to you about another friend, you can kind of guess they’ll do the same to you. This is not rocket science, it’s just using your observatory abilities to detect human nature.

I know this is my longest post yet, but I have one/two things to say. Before you go to the grocery store, research the fruits and veggies you want to pick up. That’ll tell you what you are looking for. When you meet new people, use your eyes more and your mouth less. That’ll tell you what kind of person they are. Easy said, but hardly done.

I am going to talk yummy-licious desserts next time, so leave me a comment on what you would like me to write about. Need a recipe? Let me know!

Until next time, XOXO

Allie

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4 Responses to One Bad Apple

  1. Kristin says:

    you crazy you!

  2. Diana says:

    I have to confess, sometimes I’m guilty of waiting for someone to finish talking so I can tell a similar story. I need to work on my listening skills.

  3. Hi, good post. I have been thinking about this topic,so thanks for sharing. I will definitely be subscribing to your site.

  4. Darrah says:

    Alechia,

    I like this except for the bits where you undervalue yourself. I’m so totally interested in body language and micro expressions. If you get a chance watch Lie To Me it’s on Hulu so you can start at the begining if you like. I’m looking for abook on behavior analysis, I had found one in a magazine but I lost the magazine so I think now I have to go to borders and browse. 🙂

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