Alliedow's Blog

I wanted a warm chocolate chip cookie once, so I put it in the microwave for a few minutes. It goes to show you how little I understood microwaves and time. Well, you know what happened? It exploded.Tiny bits of a cookie were all over the microwave, and the smell was unbelievably offensive- who knew cookies could smell so bad? After the smoke cleared, my mom told me that the next time I wanted a warm chocolate cookie I would have to make it myself. And that’s just what I did. Nearly 15 years later, and a pastry degree under my belt, I owe it all to an exploding chocolate chip cookie.

That’s life. One event can change it in the most unconscious and bizarre ways. When you think everything is peaceful and conformed, something has to come along that completely changes everything and sometimes it changes just you. Normally I love it, but sometimes that life altering change isn’t what you thought you wanted. For me, it’s hard looking at the upside of the imminent changes like death, and love. Death is an inevitability, it’s a part of being alive. If I had to chose between which is more fearsome of the changes, I would say love is the impending doom. Once it takes it’s form and shape, it’s irrevocable. Not to say death isn’t scary or can be changed because it can’t, but rather, it is a constant whereas love is a variable.

Shakespeare said, “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” And like Iris in The Holiday, I cannot claim to know anything about that. But I tend to think the opposite- journeys begin in lovers meeting, although that might just be the Indiana Jones in me. It’s my proclivity to think of everything as a great big adventure, life is much more interesting that way. I don’t want to think of love being the end of everything or I would be less inclined to accept it.

Right now though, I’m ready to accept it.  I’m ready for dancing in my nuddy-pants and beginning journeys. Above all, I’m ready for swimming in that water where baby there may be a shark. It’s all a part of growing up;  there are risks and there are things waiting to change your life, even if it’s just a chocolate chip cookie.

Allie

P.S. No more Special K! That’s why I am making that goofy happy face!!

So two weeks ago it was my blog’s anniversary and let me tell you, I had a celebration. I celebrated the laughs and the wit, but also the redundancies. I celebrated the topics I chose to explore, and the topics that are yet to be explored. And lastly I celebrated everyone who has helped inspire these posts, gave me something to think about (or think less about), and has read from the beginning. It amazes me how much you guys rock!

Our last conversation was about weight and the stress monster, and I want to say thanks to everyone who commented and those who sent me messages! The stress monster isn’t getting me down, I still have many things helping me stand up tall- and that’s all of you! So thanks- I’m working through it slowly but determined, like I hope all of you do when you are the unfortunate prey of the stress monster.

We’ve had conversations about weight, actually we’ve had several. Let’s get a few things straight- weight is a hefty issue, pardon the pun. We all care so much about it, and that’s probably where we go wrong. Don’t let it preoccupy you, weight changes frequently whether we lose or gain, or plateau- in the end we will always change and as will our weight. We aren’t perfect specimens made to stay at one size forever, BMI calculations are great in order to know where you ought to be, but don’t live by it. There are so many things it doesn’t account for, like muscle, or frame structure (and believe me this isn’t fat girl lingo for I-can’t-help-it-I’m-big-boned, because that’s ridiculous). Just be healthy, and don’t give up on food, it’s the tastiest thing out there- enjoy yourself.

We’ve had conversations about food. And I’ll always talk about food because I still love it, I really do. I love how much can come from one ingredient and I love the marriage of components that can create a sensation to our palate. That’s food, absolutely sensational when made properly with creativity and a little hint of food lust. Don’t be fooled, there’s a difference between a big mac and coq au vin, I don’tactually know what really goes into a big mac (honestly, do you?) but I sure know that coq au vin is as real as it gets, and healthier too. Food lust after something real, just like you should love something real.

We’ve had this one-sided conversation about love and how love hopefully transcends the outside appearances and buries itself deep within your very soul. That’s a lovely thought. Love should be unconditional or it’s just not love….. love means saying  hey- I like your flaws, don’t change them for me. I have poor faith in men when it comes to this, but one guy in particular (one of my very best friends actually) has renewed my faith in men just a little. Although I know not all men are like him, I know that if he exists, there have to be more out there. So give it a shot, rejection is temporary but love- that’s forever.

So live, lust, and love.

Allie

P.S. Thanks for being the THE BOMB dot com.

Remember I told you I am the worst judge of beauty? Still true when it comes to other people, just not myself. Like all people,  I judge myself the hardest, hold myself to the highest standards and will not, cannot, allow anyone to cut me down. It’s not the best attitude to be so introspective by being ready and open to accept every fault, every weakness you possess… and as of late, it’s making me feel the sharp and relentless talons of the Stress Monster.

We’ve all been there-  once the Stress Monster has got it’s claws in you, there is no letting up until complete resolution. Whether it’s a presentation in front of your peers,  the anticipation of seeing your hard work come to fruition, believing in something or someone but not knowing if it’ll all work out, or for me, stepping on a scale, the Stress Monster works in mysterious and versatile ways.

But it’s not just me; weight is a BIG, STRESSFUL issue. Nearly 1/3 of the population in America is classified as obese. Girls start dieting at the age of 8, if not younger. And then there are women like me, who struggle because they don’t know their role in the world of beauty. I certainly don’t- I don’t want to look like someone else, I want to look like me, only reduced a little in some areas. Is that so bad?  If it isn’t, why does it make me unbelievably stressed?

Because everyone cares about weight, and if you don’t try to look the best by societal standards, you get told you don’t love yourself enough and that no one will ever want you. I’ve heard it over and over- fat people don’t love themselves enough to be skinny, and why would someone love them for who they are- if they don’t even love who they are? I won’t discredit this notion, maybe it’s true for some people, but it’s not true for everyone. I love myself, in fact I love myself enough to not want to change anything of what makes me, well, me. Losing weight doesn’t change you unless you let it seep into every crevice of and in your mind. Only the strong survive.

So I’m weighting around with the Stress Monster, feeling that anxiety in the pit of my stomach. But I’ll make it out of this; one thing you accumulate as you get older is knowledge of yourself; who you are, and what you want. And for the lucky- who you have by your side. That’s next on my list-  I’m shooting for Adam Rodriguez, but I’m open to suggestions .

Allie

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.

Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.

Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

MLK Jr.

Race is always going to be an issue for some people if they never learn from our mistakes, and they never open their minds to the present instead of following the notions of the past. And maybe that is a reflection of who I am- an Irish, Jamaican, Native American. But when I see colors- the many colors and shades of skin- in a restaurant or walking down a busy street, I feel comfortable, happy. I love the darkest of the browns, the palest of the whites, and everything in between. And speaking of love, it’s about time I devote a post to it. Is there a better time than the celebration of a man who wanted us to be all brothers, sisters, equals- to talk about love? I think not.

I keep hearing that love is all you need, but I tend to disagree with that. You need so many  things to find and appreciate love, and then when you have it, you need a few other things to keep it. Love doesn’t seem like the end of all things- but it is one of the most meaningful things you can possess in your life. But then what exactly is love?

It means so many different things to so many different people. What I believe to be love is inherently different from what the girl or guy sitting across from me at the coffee shop think. But honestly, I would never say I love you to someone I didn’t care for. For friends, love is the ability to communicate with words or silence, understanding, and acceptance. And above all, trusting that they have your best interests in their heart. For a significant other, love means so much more. It means placing your heart in their hands, saying whatever is on your mind even if it’s silly and dumb and embarrassing, and knowing that without them in your life, you wouldn’t be happy, you would be slightly less than a shining star. However corny that sounds.

When you lose something or someone you love, you feel devastation- this I know to be true. When you find something or someone to love, you should feel wild jubilation even if it is a one-sided affair. How joyous it is to feel something so strong- to know that you are capable of such a feeling you never thought you could or would feel. That’s an amazing thing. Unfortunately, love seems to be something we throw around without caution; it’s overused and with time, it means nothing. We cannot love everything, we cannot like everything. We have to pick and choose what deserves our liking and what deserves our love. Yes, we need to be choosy with the people and things that are close to us and that we cherish. The one way to detract meaning from our lives is to give in to every whim, every notion we have of love, because we need to be fickle, we need to be decisive.

I’m hoping that someday there will be someone in my life I can feel this way for and I know someday there will be. For everyone I cherish, there will be a great love that will sweep you off your feet, tangle you in it’s webs, and find a place in your heart you never knew existed. It just takes time, and although life is short, it’s still the longest thing you will ever do. Don’t give up yet-

Allie

Over the last few years, I’ve realized that despite this desire to be well-read and super genius, I will always be completely un-boring, and reluctantly adventurous. It was never by choice, I just have this natural ability to make normal things crazy. And it’s not always a good thing. That’s why I cherish the people that can tolerate my craziness and ridiculousity, (yes, it’s a word….. ok no it’s not).  And as of late, some of those great people I cherish have been having a rough time, and I thought, hey, I have a blog, people like reading funny things, especially when life seems quite bad.

And that’s why I am writing a few of my favorite ridiculous stories…

1.  My first day at fancy culinary school, and our first mission was to properly iron our jackets. Should be easy right? Well…. So here it goes, I was ironing away, merrily almost, when I sprayed too much starch on the jacket making it turn orange. Well, of course I panicked. I was told that using a warm towel would rub it out. A normal person would have used a white towel, but I used blue. What happened? Blue jacket. So now I am even more panicked.  I took some oxyclean, and ran into the bathroom. I soaked the jacket and like magic the blue was gone. Crisis averted? I thought so. As I was walking out, I bumped into a girl with wet hair. When I looked down, my jacket was now covered in black. Yeah, that girl was dying her hair black. I hurried back to the sink, panicked yet again, when I knocked my oxyclean all over the floor. I bent to pick it up, leaving my jacket to clog the sink, which created a full scale flood. I gave up. I threw away the jacket, and was responsible for the bathroom being out of order for the entire hallway. I decided to try a new jacket. I mean- what were the odds of the same thing happening? Well, the ironing board fell off the wall, and the iron landed straight on my arm. Mission failed.

2. My first time making waffles at this upscale hotel, and they didn’t want me to use a recipe, they had a mix.  I was miffed. But I went in back to get the mix and didn’t see a mix for waffles, but I did find one for biscuits and one for cake. And I thought those two can come together and make waffles. (WHY DID I THINK THIS?) The result-  a volcano of utter chaos: weird cake-y yet crumbly mix everywhere. Same place,  I was told to make a dessert on-the-fly (fast) for the incoming dinner crowd. I had only pineapples and rum. PINEAPPLE FLAMBE! I was making it so fast by memory that I wasn’t paying attention, but I thought oh well, I know this stuff. And it went so well, actually too well. Everyone in the dining room wanted more, and that’s when I realized they were all drunk.  I looked over and realized I put three bottles of rum in it. Whoops.

3.  My 11 year-old cousin wanted to ride the carousel at the mall last month, and of course someone had to go on with her. So while I was riding a giant panda (how many times can you say you’ve done this in your life?) I thought, well, how much worse could this day go? I shouldn’t have wondered because later I was watching my cousin in the Disney store when Hottie McHot Pants walks in, yes the cutest guy ever. We start chatting about his niece and nephew, when I hear crazy noises to my side, and I see a display of Winnie The Pooh tumble gracefully onto the floor. Ungracefully, my cousin is stuck in the Snow White gown, and making the craziest noises, her arms raised above her head. She is not ok. Well, I curse (which clearly you should never do at the Disney store) and try to get her out while not ripping the gown ($180). She is wailing on the floor, screaming WHY? WHY? When we get it off, I look back to see Hottie McHot Pants is gone, probably scared. It could have been love, but it’s over now, it could have been good but I lost it somehow….. I blame Snow White.

4. I had this thing with the living room window. The moment we moved in, I knew it was going to be my enemy. I broke it not once, not twice, not even three, but yes, four times. And not even in normal ways either. Once my hand just went through it, another time I accidentally threw deodorant through it (ok I understand this is weird) next, I was wrapping a big gift when the wrapping paper flew out of my hands through it, and lastly, I tripped and fell by it. It still broke. After the fourth break, I was no longer allowed near this window, just like I was not allowed to vacuum (I was trying to defy gravity, and it didn’t work), paint (who knew it could fall out the window and land on the house across the street?) and use the washing machine, which clearly given my record, this one just makes sense without telling you the stories.

So there are just some of my lengthy tales of ridiculousity. I hope you enjoyed them. I know I didn’t at the time, but I do now. And that is what life is all about. Coming to terms with even the most unexpected occurrences by looking back on them, and learning. Not all are funny or strange, some are quite sad, but we move on. We always keep moving, some of us ridiculously.

Allie

Let’s be serious, if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there aren’t enough beholders that know how to use their eyes.  I’m constantly surprised by how many beautiful lonely people there are walking around. I’m even more surprised by how many of my friends, all stupendously gorgeous with great personalities, are single and are afraid of ending up alone.

Why is this? Have the standards of beauty changed? Well, yes. Aesthetics mean so much more; skinny girls wear skinnier jeans, and even men want to look different. The number of men with eating disorders has escalated over the last decade, because Gerard Butler made women swoon in 300, and Daniel Craig double-oh’d our 7 as Bond. Women aren’t alone in trying to look like the ideal, men do too, whether as consciously I’m not sure.

So take a look at that combo- an incredibly skinny girl with a muscular guy, is that our new ideal of how we should couple? What about us thicker girls? What about our skinny men? Just once I want to see a happy couple, where the guy is medium sized and the woman is voluptuous, and we aren’t talking Scarlet Johansson voluptuous, I’m talking Queen Latifah and Maggie Brown voluptuous, both of whom fall between sizes of 10-14.  But I’ll admit, I’m biased here because I, personally, fall between those sizes currently and although these sizes are still smaller than the average American woman, or Australian for that matter, it still feels like too much for some men to come around to. And that’s why I want to see it, I want to have renewed hope that men will be drawn to women that don’t look like Kate Moss or even Beyonce, who you may think is curvy, but really, she has more weight on her shoulders than anywhere else.

Bigger girls are not similar to weebles, we don’t wobble, but some of us sure do fall down in comparison to what is acceptable for men to be attracted to. But maybe I just need to have more faith in men, give them more credit, believe they aren’t as shallow as I think, because  in the end, they don’t have it easy either. We all struggle to meet the demands of society; black, white, big, small, tall, and short. We are all made differently, and variety is the spice of life. I, for one, am always up for something spicy…..

Allie

P.S. Since this year I am trying to be as honest as possible- that’s me. Size 12. Pretty happy. Making a funny face.

It will officially be my anniversary of this wonderful blog January 28th, and I’ve come a long long way. I’ve learned a lot, shared a lot more, laughed way too much, and wrote my heart out. A new leaf has been turned, and I am ready to turn another.

This has been a tumultuous year for me:  growing up, still pursuing excellence that may always elude me, falling out of love, later falling in it, finding humor in some of the most mundane situations, and smiling my way through some of the saddest moments I’ve experienced in my life. Luckily, I can admit to being an idiot more than a few times this year, and I kind of hope I’m able to allow myself some more idiotic instances next year. It keeps me on my toes. And maybe that will be one of my resolutions…..

That’s right, every year I make a list of resolutions, and for the last two years, I have met all of them. The trick is- never make a resolution that you know you can’t meet, make it an easy change. Of course, it wouldn’t be me if some of them weren’t entirely ridiculous; let’s be serious, I will always be slightly neurotic, chubby, nerdy, dreamy, loud, and comical. But there are some things I can change, and that’s why I have created-

My List of New Year’s Resolutions that are Doom-Free:

1. Learn the Thriller Dance! Ok, I know this seems unimportant, but I’ve been saying for years that I want to learn this dance. It’s time, “for no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller”…..

2. Continue eating properly, more organically, while meeting all my food groups a day and writing it down. So boring, yet incredibly important- I have a goal and I will reach it.

3. Be consistent with yoga, and get to an intermediate level. (Be envied for my yoga skills!)

4. Travel abroad, meet up with some great friends I’ve made and have an Indiana Jones like adventure. Except you know, no heart removing ceremonies, or the Holy Grail….

5. Finally find a place to settle myself and books for at least a few years. I love traveling, but I cannot stand all the moving I do.

6. Finish one, just one, of my side projects. I have to sit down and focus on completing one of the many things I start.

7. Try to actually have a love life this year. And with a normal person, not a character in a movie who can do the salsa, speak a few languages and has dreamy eyes. But you know, an actual guy, that makes me laugh and doesn’t mind that I’m a little crazy.

8. Wear a cute dress, and go out dancing. I’ve never done this, well I mean with a cute flowy dress that moves around in the air when I twirl. Also, I need to learn how to twirl…..Yeah, I know, it’s silly but come on, it could be great.

9. Learn to make a traditional dinner of a completely different culture. This one will be really fun. Now which culture?

10. Lastly, be happier! Sing loudly to songs, dance like a maniac, and laugh as much as I want. Who cares? I shouldn’t, and being happy seems like a better way to pass time anyway.

See? Kind of normal resolutions. Simple, and obtainable. Well except for the Thriller dance, that one might be hard. Anyway, Happy New Year everyone, thank you for reading, and let’s continue the awesomeness next year!

Allie

New York City at Christmas time; it’s magical, colorful, and full of snowy adventure. And since this will be my first time in NYC for the holidays, I am kind of hoping it turns out like the movie Serendipity. Yes, I know that’s ridiculous and possibly a little unlikely (POSSIBLY)…. But come on! Wouldn’t it be super awesome if I meet someone while buying a pair of gloves and then we fall madly in love, drink Frrrozen hot chocolates, ice skate and then don’t see each other for years… but when we do, it’s on like Donkey Kong? Thus instead of discussing the impending doom of Christmas, why not talk about love….

The whole concept of serendipity and love astounds me.  I am a hopeless (incredibly hopeless) romantic, but not in the traditional sense. I don’t want a lavish grand romance with flowers and boxes from Tiffany’s, I want the subtle one where we both compromise and agree that it’s ok to make a fool of ourselves in front of each other. I know there are moments that I am entirely ridiculous, crazy, dancing-in-my-nuddy-pants-foolish, and anyone who can accept that has to be ready to show me the same. Because what is love, if not the most extremely foolish thing you could fall into?

Everyone is different, this is completely true. But in the end, I haven’t met one person that doesn’t want to love or be loved in return. I mean who doesn’t want to spend some time being miserable, hung up, having I-can”t-stop-thinking-about-you-even-when-I’m-eating-boring-Special K- or-dancing- to- Kelly Clarkson-moments? (Not that this happened, remember I’m hopeless, I’m just saying.) Who doesn’t want to feel slightly insane, enamored, confused,  unfocused, yet head over heels in love? I could have used the worst adjectives right then, and you might say, oh no, not me, but let’s be serious, you all know this is what happens.

Love is the end of the world, maybe not THE world, but your world as you knew it. There are no preparations for it, but just look around you- and you’ll see it in plain sight. Love, actually is everywhere, sickeningly so. And if you haven’t had the experience of being 100% foolish in love yet, don’t worry, it’s somewhere out there for you too, waiting to make you an idiot.

Happy Holidays!

Allie

P.S. Next post- New Year’s resolutions, I hope you are all ready for that.

It’s the most HORRIBLE wonderful time of the year, and since I don’t want to spend too much time lamenting on my disliking of the holiday season, (am I the only one who wishes these crazy shoppers who jab you in the grocery store while you are just trying to buy some Swedish Fish that is right next to the Christmas candy crap, would get eaten by a giant tarantula of holiday justice?) I thought I would create a wishlist. Yes, I too have dreams of grandeur and gifts that I have always wanted but have never asked for. I too, believe that during this magical season of doom merriment dreams really do come true. So here is my holiday wishlist, hopefully Santa reads blogs…

Wishlist of Impossibly Awesome Things:

1. Digital Voice Recorder-Instead of narrating and remembering things in my head, I can say things aloud like- Note to Self: buy more Special K, and also remember to sit farther away from smelly person who is sitting next to me right now- what’s their name? Hey, what’s your name?

2. A lifetime supply of Swedish Fish. (Imagine if you could reanimate Swedish Fish? That would be so scary yet creeptastically awesome!)

3. Breakdancing classes- that way I can look mad fly and fresh to death when on the dance floor. They still breakdance in clubs right?

4. Giant Tarantula- I am so tired of  making idle threats about sicking my giant tarantula on people. For once, I want to be able to threaten people with a giant tarantula AND have the confidence in knowing that I actually have one to do my bidding.

5. A limitless giftcard to Anthropologie-  I need this one Santa!!! Make it happen!

6. Edgar Ramirez- I’m just being honest here, but this guy is amazing, and he speaks 6 languages, Spanish, French, German, Italian, English, and Love. The last one he speaks with his eyes…

7. I wish for all of my friends and family to have the happiest holidays ever. (Awwww I know!) I hope all of you, my happy fun readers, don’t get jabbed, pushed, poked etc, by terrible shoppers, and I promise, that none of you will get eaten by my giant tarantula of holiday justice.

This isn’t my last post before the holidays at all, but the next one will take place before I leave for New York, home of Serendipity and that really big Christmas tree. I’m super excited! So Happy Shopping and preparations!

Allie

P.S. Special K diet has been unsuccessful as quite a few of you were against it, and I have been forced into paying for and eating good scrumptious, wholesome warm food. But I still have another box!

It’s that time of year again when city sidewalks, busy sidewalks are dressed in holiday style (expensively so), chestnuts are roasting on an open fire of DOOM, and annoying jingle bells are all over the frickin’ place, resulting in headaches and impossibly long sentences like this one. This is also the time when my wallet looks bare and I begin to think about moving to Guam. But then also, I realize that I will want to buy a hut in Guam and harvest mangoes, all of which costs money. In the end, I agree to stick it out without moving to Guam because I know that I can’t harvest mangoes.

So when I look at my empty wallet, every year I think- Oh I should get a second job, but then immediately after I go, no, too lazy. So then I get a lot of harebrained ideas like, I’ll make hats, one year I thought I could make trendy ballet flats, sell loaves of bread and jars of jam, or even help plan winter weddings. But again, I can’t really sew, and my idea of trendy is colorful buttons, and who really wants to buy loaves of bread and jars of jam from a crazy nobody, who will don an old English accent in the streets, screaming BREAD, BREAD for sale!! And also, I’ve never even been to a wedding and I don’t really like overly happy events or people….

Therefore, I’ve decided that in order to pay for everything this year, I am going involuntarily on a Special K cereal diet. Yup it’s true. First, there was a sale on Special K, next, I can no longer afford groceries for the next two weeks. Will I survive? Stay tuned for later this week…..

Allie

P.S. If I seem crazier next post, it’s the cereal going to my head.